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May. 7th, 2013

i always believed in ghosts and the supernatural, ever siince i was little i always saw a man standing infront of my sisters bedroom. he never did anything just stood there and watched. my grandparents have died just a yeat ago. and very recently i have seen and felt things that i feel its them. we a torando in late janraury and it landed on our barn. didn't touch the house just took out the barn. since then i've seen a men standing where the barn use to be twice now. i've heard whistling when no one was around but me. i have even heard my grandfathers voice singing  "swing low sweet charot" which he always sang everyday that i've know him. people have called me crazy but o know what i've seen and heard and nothing could change my mind.

upsetting year

i know it's been awhile since i've posted anything. a lot has happen in the last year. i almost bleed to death and then learn that i had a uteran cancer, having to deal with big city doctors and chemo therapy. thankfully i never got sick from the chemo just lost my hair but that i could deal with. grandpa dead in feb and a month later grandma joined him in the big farm in the sky. it was very upsetting for all the grand kids, they were the only parents we ever knew and losing them was very hard. me and amanda took it the hardest i think cause we were the ones at home taking care of grandma in the end. but it was their time and i know they are together again. i also lost my beautifull bright eyes. i've had for 7 years and then she got sick and i prayed that she'd be okay but she was dying and i did what i had to do. i did get another cat and she was pragnant. we thought she would only 2 or 3 but she ended up having 6; sugar, cream, mocha, nougat, carmel and little shaylee. it's been nice having kittens in the house, amanda wants to put them outside as soon as sissy ( the momma) fixed, but i think they should stay in till they're a little bigger. i've grown very fond of them and i'd hate for smething to happen to them. it's late i should get to bed, i have to get fred up for school.

Writer's Block: Paranormal activity

Tell us a ghost or supernatural encounter you’ve experienced.

Writer's Block: Live action hero

Which is your favorite or least favorite comic book-turned-movie?

i haveso many favorite movies and hereos but i have two that are just my favorites. the new captain america is my favorite marvel, i've always loved captain america, i mean wouldn't. i was thrilled when found out that there was going to be a movie about cap. now my other favorite hereo turned movie is suerman. i remember when i was little and i first watched superman the movie with christphor reeve and i just fell in love with character. and too this day even after very different actors portrayed him chris reeve is by far this best superman the only other acter that comes to reeve is tom welling. i've always watched smallville from the very beginning and waited with betaed breath for clark to learn how to fly and by the man of steel. of course it took ten years but it was worth seeing how well tom did the charactor watching both clark and tom growing and adapting to becaming the man of steel. but cristphor reeve is still the best, my good bless his soul.
i know it's been a while since i last posted anything on here and i know that no one's reading my entries but i need to get this off my mind. this thursday it will be a year since my beloved dog, jamima, died. i always said that i'd never get over it and honestly when she was gone i thought i be right next to her. i had her buried under her tree in the back yard and everyone thought i was crazy for wanting her there. but what can i say she liked the tree. i can't tell you how many holes she dug in her little spot on the yard. it always made my sister amanda and grandpa mad when she dug. in fact the last month of her life she dug a whole right next to her dog house, it was one and one half feet deep. when i saw her laying there i just cried and hugged her. i had grandma call my uncles' wife and she came over and heled me finish the hole that jamima dug by her house. we were able to dig two more feet and then we wrapped her up in some towals and buried her. they say that when you lose a pet you'll get over it after time but it's not true. you'll always see things that remind you of that pet and the hurt just comes back. i had her for fourteen years, my brother brought her home and one of sisters named her. but i was the one the took care of her and always thought i'd have her but thats never going to happen. i have another dog, that jamima just hated but she let her be, as long queenie left her alone. and when i found jamima just laying there queenie sat there, never made a sound, and watched as i buried her. that night there was meteor shower and i went out to see it. of course the only good place to watch it in my yard is right by the barn and of course queenie. and sat down and queenie came over and put her head and a paw on my lap trying to tell me that was okay for me cry and just broke down. i bought a little stone dog that looked just like her and i put right where she's buried and of course stupid southern illinios weather, we had a storm and of course a branch  fell on it and it broke. i cried then too cause it was like i lost her all over again. i'm going to do a picture of her in pastels, capture her essance so that i can have something to remember. i have a little beanie baby that was gift from a friend a while ago. and he's a little black lap and for this whole time of her being gone i've slept with him in my bed. he even kind of smells like her still which of course just smelling her on this beanie just makes me cry all over again. but sleeping with luke in my bed at night does help but like i said the pain never really goes away. and i'll always miss and think about her. i walk past where she's at and just think about her and then of course i break down all over again. 

Writer's Block: Father nature

What is your fondest childhood memory of your father or grandfather?

I wasn't raised by my parents, they had divorced sometime before or after me and my sisters turned . We were raised by our grandparents. I was always very close to my grandpa, I remember in the morning i'd sit on his lap and we'd watch Heathcliff/Rifraf and the junk yard cats. We watched so much that I called him Rifraf and i was the Leroy the junk yard dog. I always loved watching the cartoon every morning with him. He continued to call me Leroy all the time as us grandchildren grew up. he only stoppped becaused we can't really remember it now.

i figured that today i'd put some poems up that i wrote for my creativity writing class. one i wrote for my niece who died at only 18 months. she was very sick for a very long time, none of the doctors could figure out what was wrong with her. she was very smart considering that she was still a baby. before erica passed she tried to actually pull out her iv. and air tubes out. she knew that she was dieing, like i said she was very smart. i'm going to put that poem up first.

unheard voice

she came into the world
all broken and bent
with the heart of a lion
and a will that would not relent
she had no voice to speak her mind
but her eyes spoke those unspoken words
those eyes held such wisdom for one so small
we all knew that she would leave
but we didn't know when
and then the day came
she looked at her mother with those bright thoughtful eyes
and with one last breath said her thanks
she fought for her life till the very end
she left this world for a far better place
away from the pain

when i was done writing this one my grandmother told me not to show this to my sister jennifer, erica's mother. jennifer was so upset about erica's passing, she still hasn't got over it and that was about 5 years ago this easter. i'd like to show her but at the same time i'm scared to.

this other poem i wrote for a very dear family friend who died 2 months before erica did. ms. simmons was a very caring person. she taught at the high school that i went to here southern. il. not everyone liked her but that was only becuase that didn't understand her. she loved books so much, she had stacks of them in her classroom. she gave me 2 of her books. i've read both so much i know them by heart. she always came by on fridays and somehow she always knew when grandma made her vegie soup. she'd drop of books and movies that she thought we'd like. she died on february 15 two days before amber, amanda and mine's birthday. we were so upset. i wrote this poem for her, to remember the way she was before she died.


you loved the written word; it was your life
along with your students
you'd buy them the supplies they needed for class
you had a caring heart, always thought of others above yourself
if someone needed something you went out and got it
you were always on the run, always here or there
you gave to others without a second thought
all you'd bought for yourself were books on twain
and most ofall the comis you loved, peanuts
but then you got sick
and were not able to do for others any longer
you went from hospital to hospital
and then finally the place you feared
and there you left this world
your sister was not there when you went
but you were not there alone
karen was there with yuo
she had told us that you looked at her
and then closed your eyes
at the moment she knew you were gone
she was not sad; she knew you were in a better place
you would have been moved by all the people you had touched
all of us that knew you
were there at your wake
we will all miss you greatly

well there's the other poem, when i wrote this i cried after i was done, showed my grandma and she cried, showed it to my sisters and they cried. i tried to read it out loud but i couldn't becuase i started to cry again. even now, even thought it's been 5 years since she's been gone, i still expect her to walk through the door on friday evening wanting a bowl of grandma's vegie soup. i can't watch charlie brown without thinking of her.


i'm not use to writing my thoughts or anything down unless it's poetry or stories that i post on fanfiction.net. i'm use to keeping my thouoghts and feelings to myself. which probablyy it's very smart of me, i made by self sick because of this habit of mine. not really sure what i want to say on here so i'm just typing. i have several poems and stories that i might put on here just see what other people think of them. some of my stories that i have posted on fanfic.net have gotten alot of really good reviews, i might post them here at some point. i tend to have a lot of things on my mind that causes me to be a little absent minded at times, but that's only because i really have no one to talk to about those. i have to go and make the beds, i'll probably be make at some point during the day and post a new entry.
Do you believe there is other intelligent life in distant galaxies? If no, why not? If yes, do you believe this is something to be feared and avoided or actively sought out?

i believe that there could be. there are signs here on earth that prove we have been visited by someone from space in the past. i don't believe that alien live forms should be feared on less we prove to be a threat to them.